healing under stress

Healing under stress

Have you ever needed to grow under the worst conditions? Today many of us experience anxiety

as painful challenges arise personally and globally. Those of us with trauma are especially challenged to heal under stress. Below are a few simple exercises to support your wellbeing during difficult times.

I once transplanted several raspberry bushes. Halfway through the process, I neglected them. They

sat in buckets for weeks while I attended to other things. They got no water at first, then were deluged with rain. They sat soaked and started to rot. By the time I got around to replanting them, they were muddy, malnourished, and smelly.

A couple weeks later, most of them had little green sprouts.

Many of us are feeling like those neglected raspberries. Covid and politics have strained our relationships. We’re anxious about the war in Ukraine. Financial insecurity seems to creep ever closer. 

Can we heal fast enough?

This is a scary moment, especially for those of us living with past traumas. It takes effort to manage self-limiting patterns even in good times. The process of recovery can feel painfully slow. It’s easy to doubt our own capacity, to get lost in isolation, fear, embarrassment, and comparison.

Can we heal fast enough? 

How are we supposed to ever grow through this?

When will  our own little green sprouts emerge, providing evidence that we’ve made it through?

I’ve been feeling these things lately, like those neglected raspberry plants. I haven’t wanted to write blogs or work on my website. I just wanted the security of doing things that pay money and meet my basic needs. Luckily, I’ve connected with some amazing clients, colleagues, and students who inspire me to keep going until I find fertile ground again. 

Below are a few mini practices for self-healing under stress. They’ve helped me in recent weeks, and I hope they help you too.

The no woo-woo self-love method

At some point in every life, there comes a time you stop experiencing new things. There will be a “last” time you climb a mountain, visit a new country, discover a delicious food, hold a baby, have sex, etc. When we’re used to getting pleasure and/or evidence of self-worth externally, this is a scary truth. What value will we have when we can’t LIVE? 

Yet every day, we live within limits. How can we connect with our source and essence, regardless of our circumstances? Try this thought experiment: 

>> Imagine you’ve arrived at a moment in life when your external situation will not improve. You’ll never get a better job, house, relationship, wifi connection, set of knives, wardrobe, etc. What you’ve got is what you’ve got.

>> Imagine you’ve ALSO arrived at a moment in life when your internal situation will not improve. You will no longer learn, overcome self-limits, get better at handling stress, communicate, or anything else. You’ve reached the height of your inner growth. 

What would it take for you to truly love yourself if these two scenarios are true? What would you need to believe to love yourself...no matter what?

Gratitudes

Writing gratitudes is one of the easiest, more reliable ways I’ve found to alter my mental state. For some reason, I’m often resistant to doing it. A part of me feels like it’s too saccharine. But deeper down, I think I’m blocked because I feel vulnerable when I name all the things I appreciate about my life.  It breaks through my calm, cool exterior and taps stronger emotions. I start to feel exposed, even when I’m alone. 

If that sounds familiar, take heart: it gets easier the more you do it. The instructions are simple: 

1. Get a pen and paper (physical writing is better than typing).

2. Free write simple sentences of the things you’re grateful for. They don’t have to be profound at all. Literally name anything you can think of.

3. If at first it feels forced, just keep writing. Don’t analyze, just write.

After a page or two, you’ll start to notice a shift. 

Here’s an illustration of some gratitudes I did in my head while driving recently:

• I’m grateful for that truck driver who knows how to stay in their lane. 

• I’m grateful for the people who figured out how to make this road.

• I’m grateful for the road crew who did a good job mixing cement.

• I’m grateful for my tires and the shaping of rubber into useful things. 

• I’m grateful for the cup holder because it reliably has held ALL MY COFFEES during so many trips.

• I’m grateful for all the vivid memories we made together.

• I’m grateful for INXS’s album Kick because I need some get-it-done energy. Right. Now.

Create evidence

Sometimes the best way to change a self-limiting belief is to prove to yourself that it’s not true. Let’s say you’re feeling lost in life and lacking self-esteem. Try doing one thing each day that provides compelling evidence to yourself of your own competence. 

Satisfy yourself through your own good effort. Then take a moment to appreciate your ability to do well something that needed to be done. 

Maybe you fix something around the house, or creatively show your partner you love them, or draw a playful sketch. It doesn’t matter what it is, do whatever calls to you. The main thing is that it’s something you find intrinsic value and satisfaction in, and that you give yourself time to enjoy the experience of doing it well.

A new way to treat yourself

When you’re feeling wounded or stressed, it’s understandable to want to treat yourself. Get a latte, order pizza, go buy those new pair of shoes…you’ve earned it! I’m all for that, and have used this approach often. 

But I’ve found that, ultimately, the “treat yourself to a reward” approach has unintended consequences when used too much. I start to believe that I need an external crutch to create physical comfort, and only then can I do challenging things.  I become dependent on something outside myself that I may or may not be able to control. 

Instead, try this. Treat yourself to something that can only be accessed from inside yourself. 

In other words, try to create the same sense of comfort you get from a latte, but using only your inner resources. This can take so many forms! Explore how  your imagination and ability to shift perspective can be more effective than a latte.